At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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