I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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