ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
