If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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