yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize