JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
