Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
