Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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