And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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