I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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