I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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