Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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