Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
