oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
