If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
