I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
