hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
