Just took my morning after pill in the library
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
