I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
