Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
