I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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