bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
