I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
