you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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