i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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