just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
