Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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