I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
