I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sarcasm needs its own font
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
