Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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