Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
