my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
