Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
