Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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