Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
