ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
