i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
