Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
