Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
