y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize