Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Randomize
