I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
