The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
