when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
