i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
