i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
