If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize