We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
