he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You took a bar mat shot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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