with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
