Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
