She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
