I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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