He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
