He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
