the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my shit smells like andre
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
