it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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