Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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