Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
