i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize