another moral hangover. fuck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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