we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize