Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize