I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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