I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
