i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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