Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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