Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
