there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
