that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
