everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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