So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was born a porn star she said
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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