Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
